Have you experienced a profound loss? A loved one? A family member? A beloved family pet? Whether it is a long, terminal illness or a surprise, death always catches us off guard and affects us in profound ways. The emotional turmoil that follows can feel overwhelming, often leaving us grappling with feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion.
People try and help by reminding of all the good times you had together, or that ‘they are in a better place now’. None of these ‘comforting phrases’ are actually providing any comfort, they just don’t know what to say and want to help ease your pain. To protect them, you agree with what they have to say, even though you’re struggling with the simplest of tasks, vacillating between anger and depression, and struggling with the will to move forward.
Grief is a deeply personal journey, it varies for everyone. It is important to allow a full range of emotions. A licensed counselor can provide an objective ear and proven comfort during such a challenging time.
FAQs of Grief
What are signs and symptoms of grief?
- Feeling numb – absence of emotions, denial of loss
- Anxiety – all the ‘what happens now?’ Fears for the future
- Distress – intense emotions, uncontrolled at times
- Anger – at the situation, the lost future, yourself, your higher power
- Sadness – depressed mood, lack of energy and interests
What role does guilt play as I work with a grief therapist?
Relief – this guilt doesn’t mean you wanted them to die, or you’re glad they died. It means they made your life harder in some way, or they were in pain but aren’t anymore.
Survivor – guilt that you are still living and they are gone. Guilt that you survived a horrible event/accident and others didn’t.
Returning to normal – as you heal through the loss, allowing your life to regain some normalcy, it is natural to feel guilty about being happy and enjoying life again.
These experiences naturally occur during the healing process. Although they are natural, they are not helpful. Getting support will help you move through these emotions.
What are the 5 stages of grief?
These stages are not linear (don’t go through them one by one), therefore, not everyone experiences all of them. It is more likely that you will go back and forth between them as you heal.
- Denial – level of self-protection that keeps intense emotions at bay
- Anger – life’s not fair, finding blame
- Bargaining – guilt is common here, ‘If only I had…’, trying to make a deal to reverse the loss
- Depression – emptiness, isolation, fatigue
- Acceptance – the loss is recognized, engage in new life
As noted above, we move back and forth through these stages, sometimes within the same hour while other times over a longer periods of time. Please also explore the ‘Grief Rollercoaster’ from TherapistAid, it’s an effective visual.
Things to avoid when supporting a loved one in grief counseling?
This is a list of what not to do:
- Start any sentence with ‘At least…’
- Give them space to grieve ‘on their own’
- Ask questions about what happened, rather let them share what they are comfortable sharing
- Respect the griever’s space by not forcing hugs or physical touch
- Focus on the bright side, for example, they aren’t in pain any more, or that the life insurance payout will really be helpful with bills
- Engage in bargaining or regrets with them
- Focus on your grief, find someone to give you support
- Compare their response to others in a similar situation
- Tell them it’s time to move on
How does grief differ from depression?
In grief:
- Painful feelings come and go, rather than a constant pressure
- Feelings are more about emptiness, rather than sadness and absence of joy
- Self-esteem is less likely to be impacted
- Suicidal ideation focuses on joining the loved one in death, rather than fixated on own death
- Grief/Bereavement can lead to depression
How do I support someone through the 5 stages of grief?
The first thing to know is that your loved one won’t move through the stages one by one and then be finished. As they go through different stages, they will need different support.
- Denial – know that it’s normal and OK for them to be here, don’t force them into a reality they aren’t ready for
- Anger – first listen and allow them to vent, then encourage healthy coping with exercise, journaling and talking about it
- Bargaining – acknowledge they are indeed in pain and have regrets, validate that this is a part of healing
- Depression – stay engaged, check in on them, maintain connection
- Acceptance – validate the progress they’ve made, know that they may go back to earlier stages, and that’s healthy too
How do I reconcile the grief and my faith?
Faith can be a source of great comfort – day to day ups and downs, major life events and in particular the death of a loved one.
For some people, their faith provides a structure, or serves as a road map, to guide them through their healing. It may be that they believe the deceased is going to heaven, or perhaps they will be reincarnated or may return as a spirit. Comfort can also come from their faith-based community – grief support groups, meal trains, and prayer lists allow the space to just focus on mental health and logistical needs.
Others, find this a time of struggle. How could my higher power do this to them? Do this to me? How could this life be taken so unjustly? These questions can lead to an examination of their belief system and if it truly fits for them.
In either case, it would be helpful to meet with others from your religious organization. Their experience in this matter may provide considerable relief. There are often counseling services within your place of worship, as well as faith based therapists in the community.
How does trauma affect grief?
Complicated grief is when grief occurs alongside a traumatic event. The trauma experience complicates the natural grieving process.
Trauma can be natural disasters (hurricane, pandemic), accidental (car crash), or intentional (purposeful acts of violence). Regardless of how the trauma happens, it has an impact on the body’s ability to process the events and heal on their own.
Trauma leaves us with a sense that we are not safe, the world is not safe and I’m helpless to change it. When this is running through our mind, it’s hard to balance it with the attention we need to also address the grief.
You will want a therapist that is trained and has experience in both trauma and grief to support you.
How to Start Grief Therapy Today
Blue Horizon Counseling is ready to support you through your loss, both in person and virtually across Texas. We understand the devastation that comes with grief, whether it’s a loved one, a beloved family pet or a missed opportunity. Several therapists are on staff to meet your individual needs and preferences, offering a variety of different kinds of therapy. Follow these steps to get started today:
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Contact Us
Have your first session
Address your Stressors
Once we’ve verified your insurance benefits, you will schedule your first appointment, the intake. This is where you’ll get to know your therapist and set therapy goals.
As you continue to meet with your therapist, and develop a relationship, you will start to notice progress towards your goals. Life will feel more manageable, and you can plan for a better future.
BHC approach to treating Grief in Pearland, Texas
We use several different treatments to treat grief. Which one is the best fit for you?
Cognitive Behavior Therapy
CBT is perhaps the most widely known type of intervention and one that most graduate schools teach their new therapists. It uses a model that says after an event happens (a friend doesn’t text back), you have a thought about it (they hate me, or they are busy), which produces a feeling (rejection or indifference) and then a behavior (isolation, or going on with your day). Your thought influences your feelings and behaviors. By changing your thoughts, you change your feelings and behaviors.
Learn more Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
These therapists offer CBT: Barbara, Heather R, Lee Ann and Madeline
Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing
EMDR has been around since the late 1980’s. It takes advantage of natural brain processes to ‘thaw’ memories that have been ‘frozen’ in time. These memories lay the foundation to current struggles (depression, anxiety, PTSD). Once the memory is processed, it no longer influences how we think and feel about ourselves and the world.
Learn more about Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.
These therapists offer EMDR: Barbara, Heather, Lee Ann and Madeline
Family Systems Therapy
Family systems therapy sees each member of the family as one peice of the larger family. This approach will focus on relationship patterns, roles in the system and how communication occurs (or doesn’t). The family is ‘the problem’, rather than one person.
By healing the family, or the system, you also heal the individuals. We can visualize this as a ripple in a pond. One individual’s struggle (with mental health, sobriety, or work issues) creates waves that affect the whole family (the pond). When the surrounding water learns to absorb the impact differently, the disruptive ripple loses its power.
Learn more about Family Systems Therapy.
These therapists offer Family Systems Therapy: Madeline
Holistic/Integrative Approach
In an era where personalized care is increasingly valued, integrative therapy has emerged as a flexible, client-centered approach to mental health treatment. Unlike traditional models that adhere strictly to one theoretical framework, integrative therapy blends elements from various schools of thought to tailor interventions to the unique needs of each individual. This holistic approach not only acknowledges the complexity of human experience but also maximizes therapeutic effectiveness by drawing from a broader range of techniques and philosophies.
Learn more about Integrative therapies.
These therapists offer Integrative therapies: Barbara
BHC approach to medication
Medication can be a very useful addition to the therapy provided by your therapist. We are open to discussing medication options with you. It is important to note that we will never require medication, or try to persuade you in either direction (to use or not to); however, we will share observations and insights from our own experiences and observations.
We do not have anyone on staff that is able to prescribe medication, however, we can help you find someone that can.
